I’ll just leave this here…
A genuine, scary as hell and somewhat Twin Peaksian ad left on Gumtree (sadly now removed):
Night Time Watcher Required, $30 p/h neg.
I would like to preface this by saying that this is not a joke and all joke replies will be deleted. If however, you want to make some extra cash and perhaps have a background in theatre then this is for you.
What is required?
I’m looking for somebody to sit in my room at night and watch over me as I sleep. Recently I have had a lot of trouble sleeping and I think it would be comforting if I knew somebody was there.
I’d also like it if you were to wear a small owl costume as you do so. I have always found great comfort in the idea that owls are the natural lookouts of our world and so it would really help. I’d be prepared to pay you up to $40 if you were to wear the costume and maybe $35 if you don’t want the costume but will stick a feather or two to your forehead.
The shift times will vary and i’m really looking for a rotating roster of one or two permanent ‘staff’. I was thinking that the ideal candidate would be able to cover 3 nights between the hours of 11pm – 6 am.
I will provide you one museli bar if you get hungry but no dinner breaks. I’d prefer if you didn’t face me when you ate the bar as I would find that very offputting even if i’m already asleep. You can of course use my bathroom. But only two hours after I fall asleep to ensure that I won’t suddenly wake up to find the room empty.
Please no time wasters,